Last night I had the opportunity to observe those in attendance at the bar. I remained fairly sober so for entertainment I did some people watching. I couldn't help but notice the different type of women at the bar. Women really do come in all shapes and sizes. They all have different motives and intentions. From 7 pm to 2 am... I conducted my own little experiment and came up with 7 different types of women that you will meet at the bar... and I will even tell you which ones to pursue depending on what your intentions are.
#1. The "Woo" Girl - 2 years ago she was my favorite. Typically on the edge of her barstool anxious to order her next Lemon Drop just for the chance to throw her arms in the air and yell "Woo". She is the life of the party. More than likely, she has a friend on each side... just as attractive (I've never seen an ugly woo girl). Every guy patiently waits his turn in an attempt to corral and tame this wild creature. Good luck! She's there to have a good night with her friends. The same friends who are the best cock blocks in the world... they have the most practice... they probably have trophies.
If you are competitive and comfortable with rejection... give this one a whirl.
#2. The Girlfriend - She is taken... wedding ring or not, there is a slim chance that approaching this woman will have a positive outcome. Will she flirt with you? For sure. Will she let you buy her a few drinks? Of course. Will she give you the perception that there is a mutual 'connection'? Oh yes. Who will she be waking up to the next morning? Her boyfriend. Don't get caught up in the infatuation that she is off the market. Chances are she is only there to get the attention that she wishes she was getting at home. Don't waste your time or your money. Yea you may think there is something special about her, but that is why she's taken.
If you want to waste your night in an attempt to "save this girl from a horrible relationship"... reach in your pockets and throw this girl some drinks.
#3. The Lesbian - Looks can be deceiving... you will be surprised. I have spent an entire night talking to the most blatant lesbian ever... and it was a blast. She taught me more about myself than any female in my past. These women are actually honest. She made fun of my baby face (everyone's go-to), complimented my sense of humor and nearly convinced me she could please a woman better than I could.
If you are simply looking for great conversation, I suggest you target this woman.
#4. The Hot Mom (Not Cougar) - Ahhhhh... my favorite. Unlike 98.78% of men, I don't fantasize about sleeping with Stifler's mom (I can't wait to see the new American Pie). Don't get me wrong, if the opportunity came up... just kidding, kinda. But there are just too many variables in this equation. Is she married, does she have kids, what would my mom think... the list goes on. I get excited by these women because of their knowledge. Last night my roommates and I spent a good hour talking to 3 'older' women. All married. With Kids. But they still knew how to have fun. Much like 'The Lesbian', The Hot Mom is honest. They are comfortable talking about any and everything. And they aren't afraid to put you in your place if you cross the line. I personally like to talk to these women to see what I should be looking for in my future wife. The 3 women we met last night, they would all fit the bill. From the moment we sat down they made it clear there would be no visit to Cougar Town. When they left I did everything but beg them to bring their husbands next time.
If you want to see life with a different perception... talk to a Mrs. You will learn a lot.
#5. The "One of the Guys" - She hasn't taken her eye off the game since she sat down. She is sitting between a group of guys drinking a draft beer. If you have any chance of finding your future wife, she is it. 5 years from now, when you have a little nugget, she will be perfectly fine with you going to the bar with the guys. All she asks for is a night with the girls in return.
If you are looking for a drama free night... introduce yourself to her dude friends first and you are in there.
#6. The Ugly Girl (who you try to be friendly and introduce yourself but she will act like a supermodel) - ughhhhh... THEE WORST! These are the girls who will leave you stuck with a confused face. I feel like this happens every. single. time. I go out. Sitting at the bar, I look to my left and what do I see? Not the most attractive girl in the world. Just to be nice, I strike up a conversation. Getting her number or taking her home is no where near the plan. It's not even an option. I usually just want to introduce myself and let her know she can have one of my fries if she gets hungry. Last night I found myself in this situation. I tried to introduce myself to a young lady (gave her my real name) and started a pretty basic conversation. I had a feeling this ugly gave me a fake name so I listened for what her other ugly friends called her. This dumb broad's name was Holly... she told me it was Susana... all I could say was STOP.
If you want to feel rejection without the potential reward of a hottie... kindly talk to the ugly girl.
#7. Not Your Future Wife - This is just about every female in the building! Stop. I have tried to tell you before, you will not find the love of your life at the bar.
If you are that guy that still thinks you will... then keep getting white boy wasted and see how that goes for ya.
Don't worry ladies... I will be writing about the 7 types of guys you will meet at a bar.
But don't worry guys... I'm not going to ruin everything for us.
It's Friday, throw on some OU green, go to the bar, see if you can find each one of these girls, and watch the Bobcats. If you find a girl rooting against OU, 10 out of 10 times she will be Type #6.
OU, OH YEAH!