Goodbye, Hello (Part 2)

Last week I said goodbye to something I love and hello to something I love just as much.  Today, I say goodbye to something I haven't been a part of since my parents gave me permission to dress myself, and hello to something I never leave home without.  Unlike leggings, I am not saddened by the fact warmer weather will force something into early retirement.  Many females will disagree, even more males will feel disrespected, but there is something I need to get off my chest.

Dudes who wear flannels... why?  Unlike leggings, flannels are not acceptable everywhere!  There is a time and place for them.  Like country concerts, county fairs, if you are in a Nirvana cover-band or if you are Al Borland (Home Improvement).  I thought this trend would only last a winter or two, it has been going on for far too long and I need to explain why it is not ok.  Much like winter Starter coats, I am hoping this flannel trend has ran its course.

Goodbye (hopefully for good),

To horrible men's fashion created by yesterday's lumberjacks and made socially acceptable by cast members of HBO's True Blood; flannel shirts.  I have friends who wear them, I know girls who find them, "sexy" but I guess I don't understand it.  Until someone gives me a rational explanation as to why they are socially acceptable, I will continue to SMH (Scratch My Head, I really think it's catching on).  I see them everywhere.  At the bar.  At the grocery store.  At the gym.  I even saw a kid who wore a flannel suit to prom.

Is it because they can make anyone look tough or mask winter weight?  Much like leggings can "tighten" up a women's back side, flannels create a mirage that makes any guy look more muscular?! Those horrible colors and wacky patterns really do confuse a person's vision.  I couldn't pull one off if I wanted to.  But to those of you who do, please retire them after this winter.  I promise you they won't be around next year and you will end up being that one guy who still wears all white Nikes because Nelly made a song about them 10 years ago.  

Hello,

To the male version of leggings, wife beaters.  Just like leggings can make a women's lower half appear fit, a wife beater can do the same for a man's chest.  I am personally a "chesty" fellow.  This is a great thing when I am going to the gym on a daily basis.  If not, I am left with Moobs (man boobs).  NO WOMAN wants a man with bigger breasts than her.  So, just like women with their leggings, it is important to maintain a regular workout schedule to fight against gravity.  Flannels can do wonders for any dude during the winter, but throw that guy a wife beater and see if he still looks like Paul Bunyan.  Probably not.

I think we can all agree that flannels don't belong near water.  You can't hide behind those square patterns during these warmer months my friends.  And you are no longer in 6th grade, no one is going to believe you have "sensitive skin" and that is why you wear a t-shirt in the water.  Throw on a wife beater instead.  I don't go anywhere without one under my shirt.  I guarantee they will make you feel a little closer to having pecs rather than moobs.  And like I said last week, it all starts with confidence and wearing the right size! If not, you will either look like a 6 year old boy with that belly shirt wife beater or an actual crack-head wife beater if it is too big.  And please, throw away those wife beaters that used to be white.  Yellow wife beaters are not acceptable.

We are all responsible for our own bodies.  Don't expect every female to look like Mila Kunis when you are walking around as the mirror image of Jonah Hill.  Winter attire can mask a lot of physical flaws.  But it is nearly summertime baby, get with it.  If you aren't completely confident with your body, do something proactive to make that change.  This isn't the winter, you can't hide behind flannels and leggings!